Me: A Review

Lately I've had the chance to live my life as myself.  You know, they say you never really know a person until you walk a mile in their shoes.  Well, I've logged several thousand miles in these shoes.  (Not these shoes per se, as they are not the best for long hikes like that.)  And after test driving the 1975 Chris, I feel it's time for me to post a review.

The first thing you notice when you lay eyes on Chris is his breathtaking exterior.  Starting at the top, you can see a hairstyle that screams "I will go as long as I can between haircuts because all I can afford is Great Clips and I'm generally uncomfortable with the small talk I'm forced to endure with the stylists."  See you in two weeks?  I don't think so.  I'll see you when the gap between my neck hair and back hair is bridged!

As you move down, you notice strong broad shoulders.  "Oh my!" is what many a young lady might gasp.  For the record, they would be best to stop right there.  Until you hit the knees, it's just a mess of DQ Blizzard inflated flesh, fighting against the cotton poly defenders of public decency.  The feet are, well, feet.  They should be commended on the incredible job they do on a daily basis of mobilizing such a specimen.

The interior of the '75 Chris is a bit more complex.  The 1500 cc brain can go from 0 to 60 in less than a second.  However it tends to drop back to zero at random intervals, probably due to it being in desperate need of a tune-up and running on a fuel mixture of black coffee and Tim Bits.

The lungs are something to be in awe of.  After taking years of abuse in the mid to late '90s, they now successfully provide the oxygen to layer after layer of body work.  It's not sure at this point whether the brain actually receives enough of this oxygen.

This model boasts one of the largest fuel tanks available from that year, although efficiency is quite poor and requires a refill every 2 hours or so.  The exhaust leaves much to be desired.

Overall, it's a decent product.  I wouldn't depend on it having any resale value, but it has been proven to be a real work horse when it is required.  Otherwise it would prefer to sit in the garage and knock back a few bottles of motor oil.