Moving On

I've tried to live my life under the Boy Scout's motto of "Be Prepared."  It's the reason I sleep with my bowling ball, keep a change of underwear in the truck, and murdered that hobo and am holding on to his identity.  You just never know what life will throw at you.  But what would happen if I found that one day I am forced to live the life of a bachelor?  To some guys, this might be the equivalent of winning the lottery.  But for me, who has not lived the single life in over 17 years, it is a dark and scary thought.  Should the day ever arrive (most likely due to me being a jackass...or sleeping with my bowling ball), my biggest fear is that I won't know how to approach women. So in the unfortunate case that I should someday find myself out on my own, I have decided to start a collection of pick-up lines and dating ads.  And I know they are good because they were approved by my wife!


Me: 5'10, 270lbs, hairstyle: Hobo. You: breathing.  C'mon ladies, let's make this happen!



You be the Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King: You treat me right and I'll leave a nasty taste in your mouth.



If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you press up against me in a sexual manner? Awesome!



Picture it: you, me, candle lit dinner, bottle of wine, a dozen golf balls, 50ft of nylon cord, a case of 10W30 motor oil, a transvestite circus midget...
(If this line doesn't go over too well, I can assure you that he/she had their shots. Also I can switch to a poly blend rope)



SWM ISO FWCUOA



One time I saw a vagina.  So baby, I'm kind of familiar with them and can probably do a good job on yours.



If I were an attractive, wealthy, athletic guy with a great personality, would you have sex with me?



Single father of two looking for horribly ugly troll or ridiculously sexy woman.  Either one will do.



35/M/Cardboard Box  Interested in supporting one of my many habits?



I can't promise you the moon and the stars. But if things go well between us, I'll super-size your value meal. That is a promise.
(I imagine this line going over very well, so I may have to indicate that I only pay for the upgrade, and not the entire meal.)

I don't have a copyright on any of these, so any single guys out there are more than welcome to use them.  Hopefully I will never have the opportunity to myself.  And ladies, don't be afraid to use these lines on the guys.  My thought is that they would be 10x more effective in that application!