Warrior Dash (Part 4)

After a few muddy photos, it was time to rinse the mud off.  We walked through the giant puddles of water created by the rinse trucks and stood in line waiting for our turn at the hose.  The water from the fire hoses was cold!  After a few seconds and what seemed like several hundred gallons of water had washed over me, I started to head back.  That's when I looked down and realized that it was going to take more than a little fire hose to rid me of this filth!  I hopped back in line for a second rinsing, which helped a little, but still left me as brown and stinky as, well...

Now it was time to indulge in some food and drink!  I opted for the BBQ beef sandwich and was in no way disappointed.  In fact, if they hadn't been $5/each, I may have devoured a couple more.  The first beer (free for registering) went down oh so smooth.  I pretty much turned around and went right back to the beer tent for #2.  After hanging out for a while, slowly drying out in the setting sun, I decided to gear up for my next competition.  I purchased the commemorative stein (including 32 oz of beer), and made my way toward the stage.

The announcement came: Anyone wanting to enter the warrior beard contest come up on stage.  I had already been hanging around a few of the competitors.  One guy in particular made me nervous.  The bushiness of his beard along with the mohawk made me think "warrior".  He had a good look, but had changed since the race.  Could my muddy, wet costume and wildly untamed mess of hair pull off the win??

7 contestants stood on the stage.  #1 donned the swag warrior helmet and had a great thick dark beard.  I was jealous of the thickness, but knew he would not be a challenger.  #2 was jolly ol' Saint Nick himself.  Again, no worries, as the beard was clearly fake (and mud stained).  #3 was a challenger.  His thick beard had been dyed jet black with a yellow "W" painted on it.  He had spirit.  He had a mohawk.  #4's beard was also impressive: a few months of thick growth and some distinctive graying.  (Can you tell I'm not all too happy with the thickness of my facial hair?).  #5, as I had mention, was who I thought to be my rival.  I had seen him throughout the day and was almost to the point of not entering due to my intimidation.  I took the #6 spot, while a bald head and goatee finished out the lineup (clearly looking for an opportunity to be on stage).

My description of the judging would pale in comparison to the video taken by my wife.  For clarity, the chants from the crowd are "Hobbit", for which apparently I have my neighbor Scott to thank.

So there it is.  That is how you win a beard competition.  I asked for my friends' support, and I ended up with that and then some!  I would specifically like to thank: Terry, Bill, Tony, Brian, Bruin, the non-stop crowd-pumping enthusiasm of Scott, and of course the 10 months of patient tolerance as I grew that monstrosity from my wife, Stephanie.

Will I do the Warrior Dash again?  I'm pretty sure it will happen.  We had a great time and I'm already finding myself signing up for other mud races.  Will I grow the beard again?  I'm thinking 'no'.  However, after shaving the thing off (yes, it was completely gone the next day), I do sort of miss it.  Maybe some day it will return.  Thicker...longer...and so full of powerful manliness that the world will tremble before it and proclaim that it shall forever be recognized as THE beard of beards.  Muahahahahaha!!!