A wave of relief came across everyone as the volunteer at this point informed us, "it's all downhill from here!" But first I had to make it through "Arachnophobia". This was basically a twisted mess of bungee cords stretched across the path which you had to go over and under. Easiest obstacle yet!
As I picked up my pace just enough to not send myself slipping and sliding down the path, I came to the Tunnel of Terror. The mud path, which at this point was about 12' wide had been draped with a 2x4 frame covered in a black tarp. No question, I was going to get muddy. I dropped to my hands and knees and started the 20-some foot crawl through almost total darkness. I heard taller runners complaining as the clearance was just short enough to require them to be on their belly. For once I was glad to be "average" height. Although, I found that wearing a tie and crawling on your knees can present it's own problems (mental note for when I get fired for writing blogs at work). This obstacle was the cause of many people's scraped up knees. I guess my tie spared me of too much blood.
Finally there was a nice long stretch of downhill jogging! Only a couple spots came where I had to slow down in fear of tumbling into the runner in front of me. I could imagine the fear in her eyes as she would look back to see this large boulder of muddy sweaty fat rumbling toward her like an Indiana Jones movie.
We came to a clearing and were ready to face the Cargo Climb. 20 feet of almost vertical netted rope led up to a 6" wide wooden beam before immediately dropping back down to the ground. I climbed as best as I could without thinking about the height (yes, among many other things, I am afraid of heights). Once I reached the top, there was a brief moment of "Oh fuck, what do I do now??" I hugged that top rail like a scared child and scooted my belly and legs to the other side. A few probes with my feet and I eventually found a spot to begin my descent. This was definitely the scariest and most difficult part of the run.
"Walk The Plank" was next. Had I not just climbed the cargo net, my fear of heights may have come into play here. Balancing on 12" wide boards 6-8' off the ground didn't seem so hard after all that, and I was off to the stream.
The "Rio Run" was basically a stroll up a shallow creek. I had done this many times as a kid, and the only surprise was when I first jumped in. The water was so full of mud and silt that it was impossible to judge the depth. I thought 3 feet. It was about 18". A little rough on the landing, but I had no problems after that.
The next obstacle was another cargo net, except this time it was horizontal and about 5 feet off of the ground. I had expected this one, and up until that day I was prepared to roll myself over it to save time. I had already torn my runners bib from my shirt several times, and thought rolling might make me lose it for good. I stuck to the side of the net, holding on to the wooden beam, and worked myself sideways. A little slower than I had anticipated, but still made pretty decent time.
Rounding the corner, I was another wall. This time it was completely vertical. The 15 foot wooden wall had 3 or 4 rungs going up and a knotted rope hanging down. As I approached, I had a moment of fear. I've always thought of myself as having pretty decent upper body strength, but what will happen when I try to pull my 270lb frame straight up a wall?? "Arms, don't fail me know" I said to myself as I grabbed the rope. Success! I made it to the top in great time, only to find I was stuck with the same problem I had on the cargo net wall: getting to the other side. The back side consisted only of rows of 2x4s which were about 4 feet apart. So I reached down until I finally touched the top row and quickly made my way down.
This was it! I could see the crowd at the finish line! I knew what the last two obstacles were and I was ready! Oh wait, I feel a bit nauseous... Not now! I'm almost done! Luckily, another hand-on-the-knees moment, some deep breathing, and a little encouragement from fellow warriors Bill and Terry, and I had the strength to jog ahead.
I made it to the clearing where all the spectators were watching. Two rows of fiery logs filled the path with smoke. I approached the first pile and leaped in a grand fashion striking the best Baryshnikov pose an out of shape muddy bearded engineer could. The crowd roared in approval! Actually, they didn't really do much of anything. I needed to step up my game a bit. The second jump was a decently executed 360, which surprising didn't end in a broken ankle or face full of fire. I felt good! I felt like picking up the pace! I felt my legs slipping in the mud. I went back to the slow jog.
The last thing that stood between me and the finish line was a muddy pit over which barbed wire was strung. Up to this point I was wet, sweaty, and a bit dirty on my hands and knees. I was about to be completely covered in mud! I wasted no time hopping into the trenches, submerging myself in the thick gooey filth. Some parts were deep enough to half swim / half drag my body through, and other parts required a crawl (which led to more walking on my tie). It was exhausting. In fact at one point I completely stopped and contemplated a nice rest in the cool mud. Then I heard the cheers from all my friends who had already finished. Time to give it one last burst of energy...
I climbed out of the pit and did what was probably the weakest looking trot across the finish line. It was all I could do to keep from passing out. I was winded, filthy, and extremely thirsty. I leaned over to receive my medal from the volunteers and grabbed two cups of water. Now it was time to bask in my muddy glory until it was time for the real event...
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1 comment:
Nice work, that Terry guy seems awesome!!
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