Reason #652 NOT To Be a Plumber

I typically stay as far away from reality television as one would from a rabid zombie grizzly bear if they were covered in lunch meat and honey.  (Remind me to tell you about THAT camping trip!).  However I make an exception with a few shows.

I will sometimes watch the first few episodes of American Idol just to see the ones that don't make it.  I'm always up for a laugh at the expense of someone else.  Some may say, "Well Chris, at least they had the nerve to get up in front of people and try out!"  Yeah, well, good for them.  I spent the better part of my senior year in college hanging out on stage at the local karaoke bar.  Was I great at it?  No.  But I was decent enough to not care if I missed a note in front of 40 or so people.  I wasn't looking for a trip to Hollywood or a chance to be somebody's "dawg".  If you go on national television, I have every right to laugh at you.

My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancee and The Joe Schmo Show.  These shows in my opinion were brilliant!  After years of Survivor, Big Brother, and the other mainstream shows, these programs gave us non-fans a chance to laugh at the ridiculousness reality television.  They are the only two reality shows that I have watched from beginning to end.  I know Terry enjoyed them.  But if you missed them, do yourself a favor and try to find them.  I believe Joe Schmo is on DVD and I know I've seen reruns of MBFOF on Fox Reality as I'm flipping through.

Then there is The Biggest Loser.  I usually like to watch the first couple of weeks when these super-hyper-morbidly-obese individuals go from ordering 3 value meals for lunch to setting foot on a treadmill for the first time.  It doesn't take a genius to know that ANY amount of exercise is going to have an enormous effect on these people.  Combine that with the direction of nazi-trainers Bob and Jillian, a diet the equivalent of what normally gets stuck in their teeth after a meal, and the fact that they have no other responsibilities, and it's not surprising that they drop a 3 year old's weight in the first week.  That's good television!

So as I'm sitting there in my recliner, drinking a beer and munching on chips, I begin to tally all the pounds being shed on the ranch.  As a side note, the fact that they refer to it as a ranch is sort of amusing.  I picture Jillian yelling at a herd of cattle to give her 5 more laps as she chases them with a branding iron.  Anyway, there is something like 300-400 pounds GONE from these individuals in the course of a week!  That is just mind boggling.  Where does it go??

I'm not a biologist, nutritionist, or even remotely in tune to matters of anything health related.  However, I do know what things come out of my body:  various gases, liquids, and solids.  And the less-than-accurate scientist in me knows that matter can not just disappear.  Somewhere on the ranch, an extra 400lbs of fat is lurking.  Which makes me wonder who's the poor guy that gets the call to fix the plumbing at that place?  This is where I'd love to see Mike Rowe visit on the next Dirty Jobs!

As you've probably gathered, I have a very curious mind.  When I watch shows like this, I always wonder what goes on behind the scenes.  Does the flip-flopping, beeping scale actually bounce around for like 3 minutes?  What sort of restroom facilities are available for these people?  Is the camera man eating Reese's Cups all day in front of the contestants?  What about these people's jobs?!

Maybe I'm too logical of a thinker, but the drama of reality TV has just never done anything for me.  Give me an episode of How It's Made any day.  I get enough fighting over who said what or did what to who from my kids.  Show me how the factory that makes lunch meat runs or which national parks have the fewest grizzly bear attacks.