As we say goodbye to the Labor Day weekend, the ugly truth starts to surface: summer is over. And even though it was been years since I was able to enjoy a "summer break", I still get that queasy feeling when it's back-to-school time. Although nowadays it's not the anticipation of new classes, homework, and school lunches that get the stomach churning...
1) The Weather. The heat and humidity of summer is perfect for the slightly overweight individual looking to shed a few pounds. Without these extreme temperatures, I find myself forced to partake in exercising in order to work up a good sweat. Oh how I'll miss the satisfying exhaustion I'd feel from getting the mail, tying my shoe, or waving to a neighbor.
2) Daylight Savings. Twice a year, I find myself digging through drawers looking for the manuals to all of my electronics, trying to figure out how to change the clocks. Some of my newer products are equiped with DST features that either update themselves (robot uprising) or can be changed with the push of a button. But then there are others, such as car stereos, that will undoubtedly show the wrong time until mid-December when I finally realize that I am not being abducted by aliens during the hour of lost time I experience between leaving the kitchen and getting in my car.
3) Bees/Wasps. Spring and summer have their share of evil flying stingy fucks, but it's the fall that brings out all the ballsy, in-your-face, yellow jackets. Whether it's a rotting apple, a spilled juice box, or a half eaten honey cruller in my beard, these bastards will find it and stop at nothing to frighten the piss out of me.
4) New Television Shows. Although I do look forward to the return of some of my old favorites (The Simpsons, The Office, That's Incredible), what I don't look forward to is someone telling me I need to watch [insert fresh, hip new show about something that has been done before]. I'm pretty much satisfied with what TV has given me. I have no room in my life for the Adventures of Deep Sea Housewives Hoarding Police Officer's in an Emergency Room. Then there are the shows that have been on forever that really just need to be taken off the air altogether like Access Hollywood and Cleveland Browns football.
5) Heating Bills. Fuck 'em.
Now don't get me wrong, there are a lot of things I love about fall (Halloween, leaves changing colors, vests), but really, can the joy of scaring the shit out of children make up for having the shit scared out of me by a goddamn bee?? I hate bees...
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
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1 comment:
I say this with true conviction...you are one of the funniest people i've ever known!
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