Earth Week Tips

Today is Earth Day. The one day of the year when throwing that breakfast sandwich wrapper out of your car window is frowned upon. I haven't looked closely at all the facts and figures, but I'm pretty sure the earth is looking okay compared to the past. A few years prior to my birth, it is my understanding that the atmosphere was a cloud of gaseous silica. 4.5 billion years later and we've got a Starbucks on ever corner...that's progress! But even though things are looking up for the 3rd rock from the sun, there are still a few things we can do to help her along:

1. Rinse fruits and vegetables under the faucet for 30 minutes to remove harmful pesticides.
2. Turn your car off while idling at stop lights, picking up children at school, and overnight in your garage.
3. Buy cows and chickens and start a garden to support your family and piss off your neighbors.
4. Talk to a local naturalist...especially if she's hot. One night with a naturalist = 50 carbon credits, which I believe can be redeemed for discount tickets to monster truck shows.
5. Switch from using unleaded gasoline to water - it burns a lot cleaner!
6. The mercury, a heavy metal, can reek havoc on the environment. If your thermometer breaks, try to hold on to the mercury as tightly as possible until you can properly wash it down the drain.
7. Save electricity by turning off unattended computers around your office. Your co-workers will appreciate your environmental efforts upon returning from the restroom.
8. Help keeps our streams and rivers clean by tossing dead bodies into dumpsters instead.
9. Visit amusement parks. This will keep your mind off of depressing things like the environment.
10. Blog about ways to help the environment. Millions of people will fire up their computers to learn about things they already know.